A Differently-Abled Momma

Being a parent can be an arduous job, and people ask me, “How do you do it?” Being a disabled mom sure adds some spice to the mix of parenting, but for me, it is the most beautiful and rewarding experience I could ever ask for. Sure, my exhaustion level far surpasses any physical therapy session I had endured, but I feel that my child is definitely a miracle and a gift.

When I was a little girl, all I could think of becoming when I grew up was someone’s mother. When I was asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I replied, “Something where I help people, and a mommy.” So when I was a passenger in a motor vehicle accident at the age of seventeen, I wondered if my dreams could ever become true; now that I was permanently disabled, or I like to refer as differently-abled.

Thirteen years ago, a car going the wrong way down the highway, struck the vehicle I was a passenger in. The collision instantly broke my neck in three places, making me an incomplete quadriplegic. I was told by doctors that I would never walk again, and would have to wear a halo for many months and undergo dangerous spinal fusion surgery. My prognosis was that I would be paralyzed from the neck down; unable to move or feel anything for the rest of my life.  I spent grueling years in therapy trying to overcome paralysis, and re-gain the use and feeling of my limbs. I now slowly walk with crutches that go over my forearm, and can go about my daily activities with limited use of my hands. In addition, I wear a leg brace on my left leg, which is my weaker leg. I am forced to wear two different sized shoes, but shoe stores have been kind, and usually give me a discount on two pairs. 

After sustaining a spinal cord injury due to a broken neck, my first question was “Can I become pregnant?” When my husband & I conceived our son shortly after we got married, my following questions revolved around what methods or means of adaptive equipment are available to facilitate my parenting. Never once did I question how I was going to be a mother; because since I was a young girl, I felt like it was my destiny, and just something that I would naturally do.

To my dismay, there was barely any information on tools to facilitate parenting for a differently-abled parent. I was not surprised however, because being a mother or father with a disability in society is not something widely spoken about. It kind of remains as a hushed topic, or one that people may feel uncomfortable to inquire about. When you enter a baby store, there are gadgets and pieces of furniture that make the life of an able-bodied mommy or daddy just that much easier. But what happens if you can’t reach that quaint changing table from your wheelchair? Or those anti-gas/colic bottles have so many intricate components, that one’s not-so-nimble fingers cannot assemble for those dozen- per- day feedings?

I walk with permanent crutches, making it difficult for me to carry a newborn around the house on my own. When I had entered a popular baby store, I had asked one of the workers to assist me with finding a baby carrier. She told me that none of them were really that great, and that carrying around my baby would be more natural, and less cumbersome. I stated that these stylish crutches were permanent, and that I needed the best product to carry my child, because I had no other option. Puzzled, she meandered away. I approached another worker and inquired about the easiest crib, changing table, bassinet, and other various baby items that I would be utilizing the most. I received little feedback, so granted, it was up to me to figure out what would be best for my needs. It was truly no different than what I had been used to for the past twelve years- always finding a different way to manage.

I would be lying if I had said that I had it all planned out before my son was born. I did know however, that the bassinet on wheels was going to be the number one item that I would depend on the most. Until my son’s neck was strong enough, I transported him around the house in the bassinet on wheels. His bassinet also acted as a changing station for me, and a place for close, face-to-face play-time. When he outgrew his bassinet, I found a crib on wheels, with plexiglass instead of the normal wooden head and foot boards, so I could easily interact with him. This acted as his play area, and enabled me to transport him around the house when I had to do chores.

As for the baby carrier, I used one of the fancy name brand ones for the first couple of months, but my son was not a fan. Soon after, he was holding his head on his own, and I learned how to carry him facing outward under his arms. I also wore, and still do, sweatshirts and tops with a lot of pockets, so I can carry him as well as bottles, cell phone, and board books. Mom’s carry diaper bags filled with necessities- I dress accordingly to go about our various activities for the day, which are planned in the different rooms of our farm ranch as well as outside.

When he learned how to crawl at an astounding six months, I encouraged him to follow me into each room as well, so I could keep a vigilant eye on him. He reminded me of a little duckling, always following me without hesitation. People remark on how my son’s physical and communicative abilities are beyond advanced, and indeed the pediatrician did tell us how he has always been two months ahead. I feel that due to my limitations, perhaps he had to adapt as well. It is almost as if he knew he needed to help out momma, and made strides to adapt to our different lifestyle.

As he grows older, I also have had to up my creativity. I purchased multiple baby gates to form a play yard around our sofa, so my son can play freely, while I can sit and interact with him comfortably. I also placed rolling chairs in every room for when I need to scoop him off of the floor. I have learned that if I roll the chair next to him, I can sit to pick him up, and then easily get to a standing position. Parenting is all about learning as you go, and when you are differently-abled, one just needs to muster up their creativity niche, in order to be the best momma or dad you can be.

Any individual in society, differently-abled or not, can do anything that they put their mind to. When it comes to parenting, a parent with limitations just needs some perseverance, confidence, and a dream, and their little dream will be all that matters. I won’t be able to perhaps offer my son everything that an able-bodied momma would be able to offer him. However, I can at the very least give him unconditional love, which no other mother would be able to devote to him. I am forever grateful to be a mother, and will never take my son or the miracle that I was able to become a momma for granted. With my differences, perhaps my son will become a more independent, understanding, and accepting individual of society. Right now, out of all of his toys, his favorite things to play with are my crutches. In addition, when I do dishes at the sink, he sits behind me and enthusiastically plays with my leg brace. I hope my brace will help him embrace peoples’ differences, enabling him to see others as not disabled, just differently-abled.