“ Why I Tried to Highlight My Son’s Hair Purple”
I look at my sister’s hair, with her trendy hot pink streak
for breast cancer awareness. “Glob more dye on mine!” I exclaim. The more
purple, the better. October is also Domestic Violence Awareness month, and I
wanted to raise awareness not only through my writing. My oldest son agreed
that he wanted his hair to be purple like Mommy’s, so I was excited. He walked
into the bathroom, and looked puzzled at what we were doing. Suddenly, he was
changing his mind. “Pretty please!” I begged. He wouldn’t budge. So, I gave him
a big wet kiss, and kindly asked him to play with his little brother, and
nicely share with him while we finished up my purple highlights.
“You
tried to do what?!” someone asked me later on that evening. “Why on Earth would
you do that to your son?” they continued. Why? In order to spread awareness,
one sometimes has to do something a little out of the box. Besides, the dye
washes out in a couple of hair washings. People may not fully notice or care if
a woman’s hair is highlighted purple during Halloween time. However, if a child
has colorful streaks, they may question why his coiffed hair is violet. In this
case, I would want to explain that October is Domestic Violence Awareness
month, and that I want to teach my sons to respect and not hurt others. I feel
that my responsibility as a mom with two sons, is to teach my boys to not only
never engage in any forms of abuse in their household, but also not commit acts
of violence and hate toward to the rest of society. In addition, I would like
to provide information and the much needed facts that people need to know about
domestic violence.
Having counseled victims of
domestic violence, I know how pertinent it is to raise awareness. I think back
to a time when I spoke to a woman on the phone, and she was in need of a
shelter. Sobbing, she told me how she just sought refuge at her elderly
parent’s house. Tears streamed down my face as I thought of how your parents
protect you as you grow, and sometimes have to continue doing so into late
adulthood. Not only was she being physically abused by her partner, but she was
also being mentally and financially abused. Many people are not aware of the
fact that there are multiple forms of abuse: physical, verbal, emotional,
mental, sexual and financial abuse. This is so very important to take with you,
because one may think that is acceptable to be repeatedly told that they are
stupid daily, and not have access to their bank account. A young woman or man
may state, “But he or she is not hitting me.” Yet, they still constitute as
forms of abuse.
From time to time I think about
that phone call, and I even more often think about one particular woman, and
wonder how she is today. She spoke very little English, and I spoke very little
Spanish, but somehow we had the most amazing bond, and communication was never
a problem. I gathered every piece of literature in Spanish I could get my hands
on, and together, we increased each other’s vocabulary. I saw her weekly, and every week she would
tell me how she was growing more and more fearful of her husband. He had struck
her on numerous occasions, but like many victims, she stated that she was
dependent on him. I was one of the last counselors at the agency one evening,
and she called me as I was out the door after facilitating a group. I looked at
the clock- it was a quarter to seven. What did she need to tell me this late-
was she canceling tomorrow’s session? She was under her bed with her daughter
whispering to me that he husband came home violently, and that she feared for
her and her daughter’s safety. I was on the phone for an hour, convincing her
that she needed to take action right then and there. I gave her all of her
options, and she chose to leave him. Later that week, she moved to another
state to stay with family. My heart sank when she told me that she told her
husband that she was moving, and taking their daughter with her. I was elated
for her, but scared because a victim is at most risk when they leave, due to
their abuser losing control over them. It can be a relieving but a dangerous
time. On my last session with her, she brought me flowers and a card, and
wanted me to meet her daughter, so they both could thank me. When I got home, I
opened the card. It read, “Thank you for saving my life.”
So, making my hair purple, and
attempting to do my son’s hair, has more meaning to it than showing off a fun
color. I hope when people ask what it is for, I can relay some dire
information. And as for my sons-are they
going to comprehend what domestic violence is at their age? No. But, I can
start them off with the knowledge of how it is to share, and not hit when you
are mad. Later on, I plan on moving onto anti bullying and respecting others. As
a social worker, mother of two boys and simply a human being, I feel that the
least I can do is teach my children to love and not hate. Making it a bit fun
too, is an added bonus.
For addition information concerning domestic violence,
please explore:
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